We’ve officially hit midseason on The Shards, and the show’s sixth episode—which features a new victim for the serial killer known as the Trawler, incompetent cops, jaded teens, drug allegations, and general debauchery—was kind of a banger. Below, find absolutely every thought I had about “Homecoming Part One”:
- Yayyy, Ivy Wolk storyline!
- Or a continuation of it, that is, in which she’s interrogated about her kidnapping and captivity and how she showed up at the TV studio during the dance-off.
- Aw, Rhonda.
- Can someone let this queen take a shower?
- I guess the police have to take her statement first, but still.
- Do I want to know what “girly smell” means?
- Damn, she’s already back at school?
- Men will really look at a kidnapping victim’s experiences and be like, I relate.
- Matt’s dad is hot.
- The concept of a teenage boy asking for a spaghetti-and-clams recipe…
- What’s in Robert’s psych eval?!?
- LOL at all the Schaffers puffing matching cigs during Debbie’s parent-teacher conference.
- The family that smokes together stays together (or something).
- We love a previous engagement at the stables, don’t we folks?
- “Equestrianism is an extracurricular.” Speak on it, horse girl!
- Sydney Pollack mentioned!
- Or name-dropped, rather.
- God, Bret is so annoying.
- I’d make him leave my office, too!
- Susan’s sheer knit turtleneck is deeply fab.
- A prime example of cold-weather naked dressing!
- I’m so enchanted by Steven.
- “I am more than an assistant…I am an artist, I am a professional. I have something to offer and something to say.” —me when I was absolutely just an assistant and not an artist or professional with anything to offer or say.
- Leave Rhonda alone!
- I don’t trust these bitches as far as I can throw them.
- Ahhhh, we’re back in the torture chamber.
- And there’s a…playground setup?
- Hate this.
- Hate this a lot.
- Night Stalker reference?
- Damn, they got a Crossroads student!
- Wow, before the internet you really could just identify yourself as an L.A. Times reporter to the police and they’d show you classified information without anyone googling you.
- Hey, it’s Thom!
- And those gorgeous curls of his!
- And Robert’s flowing head of Trip Fontaine-ish hair.
- “Your friends are inconsequential to your enlightenment journey.” Well, that’s high school, baby!
- Ah, to summer in the Hamptons and winter in Harbour Island.
- I feel like something bad is about to happen.
- Okay, it didn’t.
- Once again, I call bullshit on the idea that any of these mature-beyond-their-years kids would really care about homecoming.
- It does make for fun stakes, though!
- I wanted more amazing ’80s music from this episode 🙁